Trying to process . . .

Bubba called last night and said that Dad moved into the nursing home on Tuesday afternoon around 4:30ish. He said that Arlene did well and didn't break down. Bubba called the Heritage during the day yesterday to check on Dad and they said that he woke up during the night and asked "Why am I here?" to which the nurse tried to explain that this was where he was going to be staying now. Then during the day Dad had just basically followed the nurse around all day. I plan to call the Heritage later today and check on Dad if they will give me information about how he's doing.

Whenever I try to process all this, I just can't. My mind wants to escape to something else. I don't want to face it. It hurts so bad. A few weeks ago at church the message from Denise was about God's mother heart and His desire to comfort us. I went up for prayer to be comforted about Daddy. And God did comfort me about what was going on at the time. But it seems like each day that something else comes up about how bad he's doing and i feel cut all over again.

I trust my Father with my dad and I know that Dad is in a good place where he will finally be safe and he can't get hurt or lost or mugged or etc. . . . So I just look to Daddy God about my dad. I know that He is able to comfort me no matter what may happen with my life or my dad. Is it okay for it to be this hard to handle??? if it isn't, i'm sunk!!!

I know a family who's son is 2 weeks younger that my little girl and their little boy was just diagonsed with CANCER. Whenever i think of them or the whole situation with my dad i realize that I would lose my mind without Christ in my life. I'm so grateful for who God has been in my life and who He will continue to be.

and so finally, i have been clinging onto this promise: "Be anxious for nothing . . ." Phil 4:6 Nothing is the combined words "no" and "thing" and i know that my Daddy God means what He says.

I love Him, therefore, i trust Him wholly! Please Lord help me to process all this new information about my earthly dad. Its hard so please make it easier for me to understand. Daddy, I cling to You always and especially now more than ever!!!

update on my Dad

***Beth ~ you have already read this ~ sorry******

Yesterday was the day Dad was to go live in the nursing home. But last night I got this email from my biggest brother about Dad's status. PLEASE CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR HIM AND MY STEPMOM, ARLENE. Thanks!!!

Well, just prior to our 10am appt to bring Dad to Heritage Manor, they called with the news that his roomate (all rooms in this unit are semi-private) was on his deathbed and had his family gathered. Obviously, we opted not to admit him today. So I will keep you updated.

On another note, the progression is so unbelievable, I now believe he may be in a wheelchair by the end of the month. His balance has been off and tonight, he fell at the house and neither he nor Arlene could get him back to his feet. I drove over and picked him up but his balance is still way out of whack. He is shuffling instead of walking and because of his condition, he has a tendency to lean backward (his neurologist had prepared us for this) which makes a walker ineffective. Ultimately, he will not be able to stand. His speech continues to decline to the point where it is unintelligible now. The most I get out of him is a couple of words at a time. It is truly disheartening.

If there is one silver lining, it is that I think in his current mental state, he may not be resistant to moving to the nursing home. Previously, he had moments of lucidity where he was coherent and his neurons were firing on point. I don't see any of this anymore, which is a blessing to me. I hate to think that he would "come to" and find himself in a strange place surrounded by strangers.

I want him to be with us as long as possible but if its in a vegatative state with no quality of life and no recollection of loved ones or his surroundings, I hope God takes him. That is a hard thing to type, much less think.

Not lagging in diligence

So we now have 2 dogs and a daddy who has allergy issues with the dogs. But Jere allows the dogs because he loves me ~ i asked for them. Rachel really loves the dogs but she can't yet ask daddy for a puppy so mommy helped. Jere has been having a difficult time since Ema joined our family and its a bad allergy time of the year.

So Daddy God convicted me of being lazy and not taking care of my beloved and my home. Therefore, i have a new aim ~ each day before bed i will clean the kitchen (that drives ME crazy to have a messy kitchen) and sweep my house for my beloved. I also want to vacuum each day.

I have good news! Today was a success!!!!! Earlier as I vacuumed I was cursing the allergens in my home in the Name of Jesus and telling them to GET OUT OF HERE! I can't wait to see how doing this stuff blesses my hubby and my home and my God!!!

I know that i can't do this stuff without the Lord so I also hope to get up earlier than every one else and spend time with Him! On that note ~ its very late and I need to go to bed now!!!

Ema and Sadie

Until this morning, Sadie just tolerated Ema. But this morning they were playing together and everything! I threw them both outside and when Ema barked i let just her in. Sadie had to stay outside to calm down before i would let her in! That was different!!!

Ema and Rachel

My Dad and other stuff

Here's the skinny on Dad ~ he is going to move into a nursing home next week some time. That hurts so bad to even type. The facility is amazing and i know he will be well cared for there but it still is a very hard reality to look at. I know its for the best for both of Dad and Arlene and that Dad will be safe there. Arlene is having an exetremely difficult time dealing with it. Please pray for them!!!! I can't begin to fathom what Arlene is going through but I know my Daddy God knows and will help make the transition as smooth as He can. I keep begging Him to help them both. The place is called the Heritage Manor ~ check out their website if you want ~ its http://www.heritagemanormandeville.com/default.htm and Dad will be in their Secured Care Unit (SCU) for Alzheimer’s/Dementia residents. So he will be safe and Arlene and all of us can breathe a sigh of relief that Dad will be safe.

In other news: we got a puppy!!!! She is a mini schnauzer and Rachel is in love with her. We named her Ema after her mommy (Emily) who was hit by the mailman when Ema was 5 weeks old. She is incredibly sweet and cute and suprisingly easy to train so far. Rachel is learning to pick her up and loves to carry her to us. Its awesome that Rachel will grow up with both of her dogs: Sadie and Ema.

Jeremy says "No more pets!" I agree!!!! But i love my dogs!!! Thank You Daddy!!!

My Dad (part 1)

well, Rachel and I just got home from visiting my Dad, Arlene, and Bubba and his family. I'm exhaused but glad we went. by the way, this is going to be a long blop post so might as well get a cup of coffee and relax. I am also not going to give the full story of what's going on with my dad ~ if you don't know just ask in a comment please.

I'm sure i will tell the story a hundred times but i wanted to blog about it too so i can look back and remember the visit.

So our flight left from Hobby on Saturday morning at 9am. I didn't sleep worth a hill of beans the night before we left and had to be up at 4:30 ~ i know, i know, good start to a trip. So i wake Jere up around 5ish. Rachel was up and loaded in the truck by 5:30ish and we left for Hobby about 5:45. Everyone had told me to allow an hour and a half to get there so that's why i left so stinking early. We got to the parking lot by 6:45 (no I didn't speed ~ there was just no traffic!) I get all our stuff meaning Rachel, stroller, backpack, big 40 pound suitcase, and car seat. Then I start walking toward the supposed area where the shuttle is going to take me to the terminal.

What's this???? Where is the shuttle??? OOOHHHH!!! THERE IS NONE!!!! Okay, I can handle this (i think with the might of Jesus) So I have to walk to the shuttle ~ with all our stuff I'm sure i was a sight to behold because i had my baby in the strolller and all the stuff attached to the stroller and i was walking to the terminal. Oh yeah! I forgot i also had to pee!! fun times!! The terminal wasn't that far from the parking lot so we got there with all our stuff, checked the baggage which left me with the baby, backpack, and stroller. I can handle this!

Then we waited in the airport ~ i was okay once i was finally there. Boarded the plane which had alot of empty seats so Rachel go her own seat. Rachel flew with flying colors (praise God) she played, made a mess with goldfish and the lady i sat next to was a great help.

We got off the plane and Bubba met us at baggage claim and helped with the luggage. I was so glad to see him!! All that is going on with Dad has finally brought my oldest brother and i together and I love it!!! Bubba, (he will FOREVER be my Bubba!!!) Ashley, Anna (7 months), Andrew (2 and a half), Rachel and I drive to Dad's house. It was a good drive because we talked about stuff with Dad that we needed to discuss.

We get to Dad's and Bubba and Ashley took their babies home for naps. I have to tell you something that my wonderful baby girl did though. In the car, Andrew was playing with Rachel's little lap top toy and loved it. When they were about to leave Dad's house Andrew was throwing a fit because he was sleepy. Rachel got her lap top and purposefully went outside and gave it to Andrew in the car then she went back inside the house!!! Man! Our God is good to give us Rachel!!!

So i put Rachel down for a nap with her blanket and babies from home. I was really nervous about her not sleeping at Dad's because she is a picky sleeper so i asked lots of people to pray and DADDY GOD ANSWERED!!! My sweet little love did not have a problem sleeping there at all!!!

Then go downstairs to talk to Arlene and visit with Dad. Arlene tells me that for the past week she has been having to shower Dad because he wasn't washing his body anymore. This on top of everything else she was already having to do for him. Now the only things that Dad can successfully do on his own are eat and use the restroom ~ literally! And Arlene was exhaused!!!

Rachel just woke up ~ gotta go now ~ more to come later!!!